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vox: 503.342.8096
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Established 1999

Ever had an idea that you thought was completely and utterly original? Think again. Right now, at least 100 people have that same exact idea, and now that the Internet is here, it's easy to find them. To that end, we've decided to list some of our favorite "Something-O-Mats" on the web.

We're still seeking historial information on the Rival Manufacturing Company of Kansas City, Kanas, makers of the wonderful Juice-, Ice-, Can-, Shred-, and Grind-O-Mat products. Any information appreciated! But we're also happy to announce, that by pure coincidence, a good pal of ours, Al Bob, turns out to have the same kind of O-Mat fetish, and has put together a good starter page: The World Famous Internet O-Mat Museum. Kudos to Al! So glad we buy him beer!

Listed in order of alphabeticalness, of course!

Art-O-Mat
The most awesome art idea I've seen in years. Truly brilliant! We are now working with them on a series of music-related art pieces called Music for Seances: The Talking Board Series. Do check it out.

Chat-O-Mat
Yet another German O-Mat site, this one a little electronical chat buddy. The Babel Fish translates: "Thus inspired Chatter judges of Chabba the offered, Chabba the offering looks forward to an energizing discussion." Sure thing there, pal.

Clos-O-Mat
I pray to whatever god(s) might be listening that this one is for real, because I've got a lot of laundry to do. I know, it looks like a toilet, but trust me, you can wash your clothes in it!

Desk-O-Mat, Head-O-Mat, Log-O-Mat, Nav-O-Mat, Page-O-Mat, Try-O-Mat
Dead and gone, it seems. The obvious penalty for taking one idea too far.

Dine-O-Mat
1491 Broadway, New York, New York, my kinda town... but my gawd, since the last time I've checked, they've gone Deadhead! Thought that was a west coast phenomenon only?

Dog-O-Mat
I've found that Fido enjoys the rinse cycle the most.

Egg-O-Mat
Let's face it: quality of life really topped out in the 50's.

Excuse-O-Mat
I don't know many people who need help making excuses, but just in case you're like me, this could come in handy. In fact, I feel that I need to state that:

"I behaved improperly, disappointing my Lord, and incidentally you as well. No one can regret these circumstances more than I, though I emphasize it was really my assistant. All I can do is trust in the compassion of the American people, and beg for your forgiveness."

Hope that helps?

Geek-O-Mat
Servers for Geeks. German Geeks. German Servers. German Servers for German Geeks. Oh, those Germans!

Link-O-Mat
To quote someone close: "Don't know what this is, but it involves clowns." Be afraid. Very afraid.

Love-O-Mat
Loo-kink for eine love eine all der wrong pla-ces. Ger-mans.

Der Mahn-O-Mat (Remind-O-Mat)
Translation courtesy of The Altavista Babel Fish:

"Since I remind-o-mat has, can I on the day many more series warnings away send than in former times. I need to learn and times to more mine printers warm up not let no more serial letter functions. The clerks, which always carried the letters to the post office, I could also dismiss. And of saved postage I can build myself soon new Schloes."    -- Guenter G., attorney in M.

Yeah, what he said.

Porn-O-Mat
This ain't what you think it is. Really. Check it out, and click on the "Click" buttons. Sets a whole new low-bar for weird.

The Rant-O-Mat
Nothing like getting it off your chest. "Celebrating National Indignation Week every day of the year".

Rhiz-O-Mat
Again, I've no idea what this is, except I really, really like it. I think this really sums it all up.

The Stab-O-Mat
I had visions of a 50's era-styled robotic serial killer, armed with a long knife, Eveready batteries and an unquenchable thirst for blood... but no, just another German site, this time a release mechanism gizmo. Sigh. Now they have a Lift-O-Mat and Bloc-O-Mat. So I guess you life your victim, whack 'em with a block, then stab them?

Vent-O-Mat
Need to get something off your chest? Then the Vent-O-Mat... oh wait, never mind. They actually manufacture air valves for "water sewage and effluent pipelines." I don't know what an "effluent" pipeline is, but I'm sure it'd be worth a political contribution to find out.

Website-O-Mat
I suppose this is the penultimate O-Mat site on the web... to quote: "Na dann: >> LOSGEHTS!"

And just for fun, check out the Humanclock Web site because the humanclock sucks.

Thanks to Cat for all the surf-o-mat'ing.